One of my biggest areas of opportunities is practicing being and staying in the moment. Here are two videos from regionals 2011. The 21-15-9 deadlift (205lbs), box jumps (24") workout. It was the first workout of day 2 & I allowed myself to get all freaked out over the weight. I put the story in my head, "this is too heavy for me" and rested far too often and for too long.
Both videos are of the last set of 9. I'm in the top video & the second of Becky Conzelman (1st in the region). In my video ~20s in I put the bar down after 6 reps. It's besides the point of why I felt the need to put the bar down, but the issue is that I step several steps away from the bar and start looking. I wish I could report that I'm thinking positive things about myself during this time, but I'm far from it. I don't have any video from the earlier portion of the workout, but this was the pattern: resting often and looking around. On the contrary Becky puts her bar down after 5 reps but she stays with it & keeps focus on the bar. She's right back to it to finish the set.
I've had a handful of solid showings in competitions and when I'm on, I'm ON. However, other times my stingy voice, "you're not good enough, strong enough, mentally tough enough" wins the battle.
I think only Corey & Kate know this, but I completely broke down after this workout. I was in the car with Corey asking him to take me back to the hotel b/c I wanted to quit. Poor guy. Trying to tell me to stay in it, but I didn't want to listen. I was disappointed in myself, as I knew it was not a good effort and I was not excited for the next workout 100 pull-ups, KBS, DUs & OHS despite that it favored my strengths. Honestly, I wanted to pull out and give someone else a chance to get to the final day. Why? I didn't want to do the final workout or specifically I didn't want to do 40 reps of 35lbs DB ground to overhead. I kept having these visions of the DBs flying everywhere and me being the last one working at that station & I was preoccupied with this thought the majority of the wkend.
So what happened? We were on the road driving back to the hotel and I got my head right (or at least better) and I went back to the gym. My showing in the 100s was certainly sub-par, but I chipped my way through it and managed to keep my cool even when the judge started taking KBSs away from me (a common theme for many that wkend).
I made it into the final day and actually killed the DB ground to overhead portion in my heat moving to the T2B just behind the leaders of that crew. I should have then continued to knock it out on the 50 T2B and won that heat, but I was not mentally prepared to be in position to do so. When I'm not prepared I easily fall into moments of self-sabotage.
I have a story in my head that I regularly "choke" due to some performances in my past. Kate and others are helping me realize that this is simply just that...a story. I can continue to relive this scenario or I can acknowledge my bad habits to be prepared to win the battle over my stingy voice when it does try to speak up during times of stress/competition time.
I feel like I have a new frame of mind going into this season and feel refreshed as a result.
As Coach says, "Onward & upward!"
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